After Adam and Josie returned from North Carolina, Tundra's health seemed to be improving and he was starting to manage stairs and walks again. He was back to eating his normal food. We were grateful he was feeling better as GG and Papa were coming up for a visit and bringing Ashton back with them. We had big plans for our annual trip to the Kenai for some fishing and camping. Tundra always enjoyed this trip too, because he was extra spoiled by the other annual fisherman who knew him and loved on him each year.
We went on our trip, camping/fishing in Hope and Soldotna. Tundra went on his daily campground walks and fishing hole checks. He laid on the bank, in the shade while we fished. He guarded our campsite. He played with toys and other dogs (although not as active as usual).
We returned home on Sunday after an amazing trip with GG, Papa, and friends. Monday morning, I knew, I knew it was time- just like that. He had gone down hill again, overnight, but it was obvious he wasn't returning back up the hill this time. It was so hard, just so hard. We were grateful for the last year (especially as he got increasingly worse the last 6 months with ups and downs) of phases when he wasn't feeling well, we took him to the vet, we sometimes got answers and sometimes didn't, he had surgery, we tried medications, and he always climbed back up that "hill" to feeling well and going on adventures again. We were so grateful for that extra time with him. But we certainly weren't ready to be without him. He was only 11 years old. 3 months from 12 years old. He was old, but not that old. We had more adventure plans with him, more miles, more memories. This blog is filled with posts of adventures and he was with us for almost all of them. The only time he didn't come with is for hunts and trips out of state. And now suddenly, he wouldn't be there. We would be missing an adventure buddy.
Losing Tundra was difficult, but even more so when trying to navigate it all with the kids. Whew, it was and still is.... brutal. That word seems drastic but I don't know how else to describe the pain in my heart when the kids would say things like....
-"When will we get a new dog?" (as Adam described so well.... This was their first time experiencing a void and weren't sure how to fill it. )
-"We use to be a family of 5, but now we are a family of 4"
-"I miss Tundy, so much" (out of the blue, sometimes several times a day)
-"Tundra would have loved this place"
Or do things like.....
-Continuing to play the game in the backyard that she used to play with him, and still call for him, as if he is there.
-tell me of dreams of him
-ask me to buy something that has a golden retriever on it because it looks like Tundra
-kiss and hug the pictures of Tundra that were printed and hung in their room
-start a conversation with a stranger who has a dog by saying, "we don't have a dog anymore, he's in doggy heaven"
I just take deep breaths and be grateful for all of the memories they have with him and photos/videos to document it. They loved him so very much and he loved them too.
GG took these photos of Tundra on our last adventure, our last trip to the Kenai. He looks like a pup! <3
Thank you to all who have loved on our sweet boy. If you adventured with us, you knew Tundra. A very special thank you to our Alaska family who loved on him and treated him as their own when we were off hunting or out of state and he wasn't able to come with.
Thank you to GG and Papa for being here with us for our last adventure, for that dreaded Monday morning, and for the start of our grieving process. It certainly wasn't planned that way but we are thankful you were here with us.
No comments:
Post a Comment